Two 40's and a Big Mac...

I've been chatting it up with my good friend Dee the last few days and we've been reminiscing over some crazy times had over the years. This is when we started talking about one of my funniest (Mis)Adventures, the story of Two 40's and a Big Mac. Since I haven't yet blogged about any of my (Mis)Adventures, I decided this would be the perfect story to start with.

I met this young man who we'll refer to as "Nofamine" at a bar (mistake #1) on my 29th birthday, now I'm not going to lie, I'd had plenty to drink that night, my birthday has always been a night for everyone to let loose and party, and what a party it was! Somehow, I don't remember, "Nofamine" and I exchanged phone numbers (mistake #2). Two days later while I'm grocery shopping, "Nofamine" calls to see if I'd like to go out, I figured what the heck and agreed (mistake #3). We decided to meet up a few days later in downtown SF for an after work cocktail.

We ended up meeting a few days later and we had a pretty good time. We decided we'd hang out again a few days later. I gave "Nofamine" my address (mistake #3) and that was that.

A few days later, "Nofamine" comes by and ends up having some beers and hanging out with me and my roommates. Halfway through the evening "Nofamine" gets huffy and decides to leave, he asks me to walk him to his car, a white Ford Bronco, the same year and color as the famous O.J. Simpson escape vehicle (and he was mighty proud of this...I should have run for the hills that exact moment). We get to his car and "Nofamine" is being whiny because he didn't want to hang out with my roommates, he just wanted to hang out with me. I'm like, "really, do you need me to call the wahhhhhhmbulance for you??." Here is where I made the ever so famous mistake #4, I agreed to hang out with "Nofamine" on the weekend. He said he'd meet me at my apartment at noon that Saturday.

Saturday comes and I'm sitting in my living room watching TV when the doorbell rings. I open it, and there stands "Nofamine" holding in his hands two 40 oz.'s of Mickey's and a Big Mac. The kicker here is I was dumb enough to let him in (mistake #5), and BOTH 40's were for him (not like I wanted one!!) and he offered me a bite of the Big Mac.

This encounter lasted all of 45 minutes. I gave "Nofamine" enough time to drink half of one of his 40's and devour his Big Mac before an argument ensued. "Nofamine" was under the impression that "hanging out" meant, "getting lucky" when I informed him he was sadly mistaken, I was referred to as a slut. Funny, I'm a slut because I'm not hooking up with you??

The 45 minute visit with "Nofamine" ended with the following:

Me: "Get your shit and get out of my house"
"Nofamine" - "Damn girl, can't I even finish my drink first??"
Me: "Finish it on the way to your car!!"

I escorted "Nofamine" to the door and threw him, his 40 and a half, Big Mac box, and his jacket out. I later did some research online and found that "Nofamine" had a girlfriend that he was living with. I sent her a friendly anonymous email letting her know what her "wonderful boyfriend" had been up to, and "Nofamine" was history!

The moral of this story : If someone (read: anyone) shows up at your door with 2 40's and a Big Mac, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!